Whenever it comes to say something about my job, I get a very difficult situation. Before jumping to any conclusion let me tell you that I work in a BPO as a technician. I don’t know that how much tech savvy I am but my trainer & others think that yes I am good.

I did a course from NIIT, which has no means for me but I wasted my precious money on that course, that’s why I always consider that. I did a plain BA with arts subject & have an interest in Arts subject.

After completing my graduation by any how, I tried for few jobs but that was more tougher than cracking any entrance examination like an MBA from any C grade college. I started working with CRY as a volunteer but that was not enough for my bread & butter. That was not actually with CRY, its an association with a company. So I work for that company. Finally I left them & got a chance in a call center, which sells sexual enhancement drugs in US.

That whole concept seems very odd to myself but I worked with because I was out of money. I didn’t made a single sale while working with them. By any how, I got my salary from them & I left that place. I was again in darkness & loosing that money which I got from them. So by any how I got another job so that’s not much important here, leave it here.

Lets come to job again. As I told you earlier that I have an interest in arts subject so I started reading books when I am free from my job. I have also written few baseless poems which seems very subjective to me but not others. They never understand me by my poems. Initially I was very fascinated while working in night shifts but gradually I realize that its not a fun, but no other option left for me so I continue.

The most embarrassing & painful time comes when I leave my office. While coming from Gurgaon to Delhi, everyday we use the same way which comes from Motibagh to Shantipath. I would like to say here that its the best Road in Delhi, no traffic, no pollution & no carp around you.

I feel very much dejection while crossing those road. When I see yellow flowers on tress specially Shirish(its a Hindi name for that tree & I don’t know what we call them), I can’t explain that situation here. I have no words for that. Feelings were a mix up kind of thing & it gave me pleasure & sorrow both at the same time so I don’t know how to say that. I like them a lot but hate them for being there. Akbar road & Congress Office, the entire place get covered with those flower. Finally the road ends somewhere I reach to my place, now that comes the toughest part of the day.

My home, people say its a nice place but when I enter there, my God I don’t want to live anymore because my friends have left for their offices & I am coming from office. Mostly my mind had a very truthful fight with me & I always make him win because he can win only, but I have to live with it. I think regularly that what I am doing, I suppose to leave it & or just adjust with these situations. My god, my heart was about to burst when I think & after a long night shift, my eyes are not sleepy. Everyday I think, I need to do something for my self but I dint do anything for me.

I tried to complete my PG course but didn’t get admission in DU for the subjects which I want. I still have that desire that one day I would do that course & then my life get change. But I know its a desire not a believe. I have written my feelings in my Diary & when I need to meet myself, I read them.

Now I try to sleep because I never want to get drowsy in my office. I hate that when people complain that they feel very sleepy in office. I never felt that but yes most of the time I get small naps. Small naps will always help us while working in night shift so I would recommend for other who work in odd times. When I go to bed, I feel very awkward & I hate to sleep but same here no option left so I give a try to it.

Most of the time I failed but still I try. I am still trying for that because I am writing this after my shift but no sleep. It has been more than three years & I am still trying for this. I met so may people & with few of them I had a very good relationship. Most of them are not with me but their memories have been cherished in my mind so I am not sad.

I am still not able to sleep & I dont know why I am writing it her but if I get something that would be great.